Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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