So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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