I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
