i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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