why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
