dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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