If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
