when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
