Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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