Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
