If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You're like the curious george of whores
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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