i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
