I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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