Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
