He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize