i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
