It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
