I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
