With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
