Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
