Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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