I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
