Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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