I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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