From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
