Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
try to milk me bitch
tell me about the eggs
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
