I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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