My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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