at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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