bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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