I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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