oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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