can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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