so explain again why im purple
no
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
