I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
