Someone shit on the floor
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
