This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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