Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
