im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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