Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I enjoy the company of your penis
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
