yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
