Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
