i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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