Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
