if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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