Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
