is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
