Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
