Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
