it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
