i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
