Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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