I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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