I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your penis caused this!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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