Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
