I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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