Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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