May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
