I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
