so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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