laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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