Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I deserve this hangover.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
