Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
