the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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