I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
