They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
