allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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