I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
