oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
