my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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