Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
